Really God? Really?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Ever get to the point where you have so much to do that you don't even know where to start? I passed that 10 miles back and haven't quite circled back to pick up the dropped pieces. To top it off, I just got some news today at work that makes all of this seem like a walk in the park. Instead of just walking, I'm now required to chew gum at the same time. Metaphorically speaking, not an easy task.

A few days ago, I felt like God was telling me that I needed to give him permission to do whatever he wanted in my life. I just needed to trust him. Ok God, I'm yours.

He's giggling right now up in heaven because as soon as he got permission, he threw a wrench that landed with the utmost precision just where I didn't want it. I am generally a very strong person and can handle most any situation that comes my way. God knows my tendencies to not ask for help, even when I desperately need someone to lean on, and decided to cripple me just enough that I'll be soon crying out for help. Or just plain crying.

I'll get to the other side of this just fine. It's going to be a big learning process and one that will make me better both personally and professionally. Only God is going to be able to get me through this one because there is no way that I can do this by my own power. And I know that's why he's doing what he's doing.

But can I mourn these changes just a little bit? Please? I think tonight's just a bit of a pity party in my head. Those of you who know me, know that I will be over it by the morning and ready to tackle this head on. For the moment though, I'm going to dwell in a bit of sorrow. And a bit of fear of the unknown.

It's such an odd thing for me to be consumed with work. I'm used to plenty of extra time to give of myself and have friends over. I've been so busy I don't even know the last time I cooked a meal for someone other than my roommate. That makes me sad. I know it's just this brief period of time, but I hate not being able to gift people like that. I hate that I can't share my home readily with others.

So for those of you who pray, I need some. Badly. I'm ready and willing to do what's being asked of me, but I need strength. God's at work here and there's no way I can do it without relying on him.

Soli Deo Gloria!